Shipwreck Directory

bye-bye!

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 19:40:46 GMT

Heyyyyy.

This is my last entry on Deadjournal. It has been fun (for about 2 and a half years) but I think I'm going to move to Xanga. They offer more customization and technological capabilities with journals, and I would like to utilize that.

SO, if you like, go to my new journal at www.xanga.com/yomimashou

:-)

anxious

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:42:10 GMT

Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?
Did I get the job?

there is nothing you can do

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 02:15:34 GMT

breathe me

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:20:24 GMT

... So I'm pretty bitter at the moment.

This is my time to get things straight for my life. I'm having interviews, looking into other things such as graduate school, and anything else I could possibly consider. So far, things have been going so-so, such as mediocre interviews and such. However, I met with Dr. Shrum, one of the head people of the Education program here at Tech. She told me the run-down of getting my masters here, which would only be a year.

I was looking for a one year masters program!

After thinking about it for a few weeks, I honestly think that being a Spanish teacher would be best for me. My interview with Capital One somewhat struck a note in my heart, and not a good one. I realized, as I was scrambling down equations and numbers and listening to all the business lingo that I truly don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Do I love business? Certainly not. Do I love finance? No. Do I love Economics? It is fun, but I don't thoroughly enjoy it every single second I am taking the derivative of something or learning all the theories or learning how people make decisions. Sometimes, I'd rather not know what I know now about scarce resources and such, only because now I worry about everything running out and what our world will come to.

Teaching: I'm not a huge fan of kids, but it is the younger ones that I can't stand. You know, the screaming 3-7 year olds. I would lose my mind if I had to teach them. So I am telling my mother that I want to get my masters here, and she immediately says two things: 1) I can't multitask and 2) I don't like kids.

"Oh, when Matt sees a kid, he likes them and plays with them, yadda yadda."

Yes, those are called babies. I don't like handling babies. That's why I won't be teaching preschool.

I called my brother some time afterwards to hear some words of encouragement, and he didn't do much better. He said the exact same things- I can't multitask well and I don't like kids. What the hell! I can multitask, and if I can't do it well, I will learn to deal with it better. Kids: I can't deal with YOUNG kids. I feel that middle school and high school will be better. That way, I can at least sass them.

I don't know, I'm just very disappointed with them. I am wanting to pursue this, but they are telling me I will be bad at it. I don't know how to react to that other than be insanely angry at both of them. I just really don't understand it so I am not going to talk to them about it for now. I just really don't want to deal with it.

On top of everything, work is tomorrow at 6am again and I was selected for more interviews for Capital One. In Richmond. This coming Tuesday. Thanks for last minute notice! Thanks for asking me to skip all my classes and drive 4 hours to Richmond for one day! AMAZING. I'm not going to accept it because I don't want to work for them and I really just don't feel like skipping my hardest classes and driving all the way over there for one day. It is possible I could stay longer, but hell no, I'm not skipping more classes. I have two tests that Monday and the rest of the week I probably work.

I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm mentally drained. I can't cope...

弟さんが二人いません。

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 23:26:29 GMT

...My break day is almost over.

So today, Sunday, was my one day when I had absolutely nothing to attend. No school, no work, no hanging out with anyone, just me. I spent most of the day straightening up my room and working on some homework, as well as starting a new game of Chrono Cross. Overall, I enjoyed my day greatly and forgot how nice it was to do nothing all day. How I envy those days of high school now!

All last week, Monday through Saturday, I worked at 6am. It was killer, but I made it through. Tomorrow, I work at 6am again, but it is not everyday. I work again Wednesday at 6, then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at random times. I'm a little sad that my entire fall break is taken up by work, but oh well- I need the money.

I am noticing that with my new position at work and increase in pay as well as hours, I am having a lot more disposable income. It is very pleasing! Even after spending a ton of money two days ago, I looked at my bank account and decided that I will be able to afford a lot more than I thought. Saving up for my PSP is easy, Christmas gifts this year from me will be amazing, and next year in January, I'll be able to buy those benches and chairs for my table! After January, though, I have to start saving up because I will be nearing graduation.

Speaking of which, careers have been lingering even more so than in the past. The verdict thus far? Actually, something I would have never really admitted to until now: teaching.

SAY WHAT?

Yeah, I suppose teaching won't be all that bad. It kinda makes sense, considering my background. I worked with kids all through high school, I am tutoring Spanish now, and I really don't want some crazy Economic job. Before, I was just going to bear with it, but when I think of how I would be teaching Spanish, I think I could have fun. I love the subject, teaching it wouldn't be incredibly displeasing, and I'd have a steady job with summers off.

Two problems arise: First and foremost, the pay. It isn't as much as I would have liked to have made, like 50k+, but I figure that if in the future that I want to do something else, I can go for it. Plus, if I work in Hanover county, where I'm from, I could get paid around 40k like my brother. That isn't so bad. And when you think of it, if Jason and I were to live there and both have jobs around 40k, we can live very comfortably. Matt and Jocy have a really nice condo with everything they need, and it is all from Matt's 40k.

Second problem: I don't have a teaching license and am not in any kind of program to get one. However, the solution is somewhat simple, yet not entirely probable. Provisional licensure is when you teach for 3 years while taking classes to get your license. Of course, you must meet 3 requirements before you can get the provisional license, and that is to meet the endorsement. It is different for every subject, but for Spanish, it is as follows:

1) Have 30 credit hours of literature, culture, history, and other things. [dear god, I finished this part about a year ago]
2) Take the Praxis II
3) Take the VCLA

Now, those last two are where it gets a little tricky. Those are the tests you have to take to get your license. I'd take them and hopefully pass, then I'd just have to take classes, basically to make up for not taking a program. The Praxis II is the subject test, where I'd be tested on my knowledge of Spanish. Shouldn't be too hard, but not easy at the same time. I have faith in myself that I could pass with some hard studying.

The VCLA is the test on reading and writing. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it because I'm not entirely sure what it is about. Matt said it was fairly simple: it basically makes sure you aren't using horrible grammar and misspelling words when writing on the chalkboard. I figure I could definitely pass this.

So, that's my dilemma. I think I want to be a teacher now. I am going to meet with some people here at Tech and I emailed someone in Hanover county to get more information, to make sure this is what I want to do. I have less than a year to figure out everything, so I have to make sure it all counts.

Well, I am going to go back to whatever. Sleep will be coming soon...

小犬二人と猫がいます。

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:43:39 GMT

...Quite the week so far!

As I have said before, this week is, well, hell. I work everyday at 6am, and that is not really my cup of tea. Of course, you add classes, LGBTA, YMCA, homework, and my must-see TV shows, and you have yourself a recipe for my suicide. ^_^ But really, things are going pretty smoothly. Today was the halfway mark with work, so it can't get any worse, right? ...Right?

Tomorrow is the vice-presidential debate between Joe Biden and Alaskan Wonder, Sarah Palin. But serious, she's awful. I'm not one to get into politics, but this time around, I'm totally into it. I suppose the economy failing, war failing, gay rights failing, and everything else that I care about and affects me failing can get me started. Now, I haven't really dived deeply into the candidates' campaign aside from the stuff that I care about the most: gay rights, economy, and the war. While neither Obama nor McCain are magnificent, Obama'll have to do. (I miss Hillary).

Anyway, Palin is terrible! I watched an interview with her, and she absolutely beat around the bush with foreign policy, took back rude comments about Biden insisting that (that isn't what she meant), and her accent just absolutely irks me. And really... dinosaurs aren't real?

There are only two things that I like about good ol' Sarah:
1. Her sexiness! It is about time we get someone up and running around in the media for politics that looks good. While that should never be a factor when voting, it is still nice to know that there are people in the government that know how to make themselves look good. If it was based on looks, I wouldn't mind Palin representing our country. Too bad she's politically dumb as a brick.

2. She gives Tina Fey material! I loooove Tina's stuff on Palin. She gets everything perfectly, from the hair to the accent. It is absolutely hilarious. And this may or may not be true, but for the people who do not know politics at all but watch SNL, they hopefully see the skits with Tina and see everything. Maybe the next step is they go and research the people and find out who they want to vote for. Everyone needs to get involved in this election... and we need to get Obama in the White House.

I mean, come on. Palin as VP, possibly President? You know that McCain will die during his term and will leave Palin as the head honcho of the country. On that note, I may have to pack my bags and move to Australia or something. Sensei Jensen, will you take me with you?

Aside from politics, I am reading a book that has captivated my mind and imagination. I normally don't read scary books or heavy fantasy that details things too much (I hate reading a page description of how magical mist formed around a guy's hand). This book is an "adult fairy tale" that is very dark and EXTREMELY well written. It is called The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly, and I am in love with it so far. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes fantasy and wants a little thrill.

Last night, I was actually spooked by some of his writing. Talking about looking into your room through your window from afar and seeing a person's outline creep around and then notice you see them and immediately run away. Personally, I have dreams like that and so I am already freaked about by it. To read about it in such a well written manner makes it all the much better. Everything else is fun! So far, it makes me think what would happen if Alice in Wonderland and Pan's Labyrinth were smooshed into one story.

I haven't had much time for videogames. Since I beat FFTA2, I haven't played my DS at all, really. Once I get my PSP, hopefully I'll play a little bit more. I am excited to get some new games and such, as well as use the PSP for a musical device. I haven't had one in a long time, so it'll be pleasant to listen to music while I walk across the Drill Field (large opening in the middle of Tech's campus, for all you non-Hokies).

So it is October. The semester is about 2/5 done, which is very scary. That means once this semester ends, I will only have one more semester left of school, then I have to get a job, a new place to live, and basically grow up. I am excited and scared all at the same time- I just hope things work out with my job. Wachovia has canceled all campus interviews because of "economic hard times" so I am somewhat miffed by that. I'm thinking "well fuck, if that happens, then it will surely happen with other companies and I'll never get a job." Naturally, I start freaking out over it, but relax and know that I'll deal with it later.

When it comes to things that play a major role in my life, like which college to go to, which major to study, etc, I spend every moment trying to fix it until everything is right. Finding a job is huge in my life, but I can't fix it and it stresses me out. However, if I take the "whatever" method, I will by myself some time from heartache and put it off to when I can actually fix it. I can't do anything now but interview or put out my resume... most people don't hire until next semester anyway.

Anyway, as a last resort, I can probably become a teacher in my old county back at home in Mechanicsville. As a Hanover Honor Student, the authorities at the ceremony said that if anyone of us would like a job, we are guaranteed a position at the schools. That is nice to think about, especially since Foreign Language is often sought out by many schools. So, all in all, if the whole "big business" thing doesn't work out with economics, I can always go and teach Spanish. Possibly Japanese if I am good enough.

Oh my GOD I babble too much...

金魚がありません。

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 22:21:45 GMT

...Ah, that was a refreshing weekend!

So I spent the past few days at Jason's, and it was well worth it. I had a nice time with him and we saw some cool movies. We also ate very nicely (or at least I enjoyed it all), except for this afternoon, when Jason ate some bad pizza and threw it back up. Nastyyy! But he is feeling better now.

Homework has finally been slapping me in the face, saying "do me" like a prostitute in bed. I bit the bullet and started working on it, like my next piece for English, reading a bit for UAP, terms for Econ, etc. This week, I have to be very careful with how I spend my time because everything counts. I have classes all day every day and I also have work EVERY day at 6am until classes. Basically, I will be on the go from 5:30am until 6:30pm and then I go home (sorry, LGBTA stuff) and do homework.

I am not particularly excited about my schedule this week... 32 hours during midterm season isn't very ideal, but it at least helps me save up for a PSP. I just have to be wise with what I do and everything. I definitely can't spend time with Paul this week, and I probably will skip the GBM for LGBTA this Thursday. It just has to happen- I seriously don't have time this week.

It is already October! I cannot believe that it is almost mid-semester... It feels like last week I was in Mexico, and now here I am about to be half way through my second to last semester at Tech. It is definitely a bit daunting, but it will eventually happen. Career season will be coming up next semester, so I have that to look forward to... not...

Kanji is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Of course, it is confusing, especially certain words looking the exact same almost (for instance, 鳥 and 馬, the word bird and horse respectively). Not only that, but there are two different pronunciations you have to learn. Though I am not entirely sure about the functions of the two, I THINK that one is just the word (母, or haha, is mother), or the kun reading. The other is the "On" reading, which I believe you combine with other words to make different meanings.

Example, taking 母 (haha-mother), and taking 父 (chichi-father). Separate, they are pronounced "haha" and "chichi." However, if you put them together, 父母, then it is pronounced "fubon" and means "mother and father." On reading of father is "fu," mother is "bon."

Now, that kinda makes sense, minus the whole different pronunciation thing. However, it makes it a lot easier to say "fubon" instead of "chichi-haha" (which sounds hilarious if you say it aloud). I guess I am just whining that when learning Kanji, I have to learn the stroke order, the overall layout of the character, the meaning, and two different pronunciations. Bah! So much different from Spanish. But at the same time, so exciting.

All right, back to the homework...

私は他の何かが欲しいです。

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 21:37:49 GMT

...Blah. I'm not feeling entirely top-notch at the moment.

It is just this whole JOB thing... it is frustrating that it is a slow process and is very, very, very uncertain. Up until now, everything for me has been quick and secure, so this is expectingly difficult to handle. I would just like to find a job and be happy. It also makes it hard that I have to put extra effort into finding a job in a specific area (Harrisonburg), but I don't know how. All the jobs I've been seeing are offered in NOVA...

The Inn has been killing me- 6am shifts 4 times in a row. The last day was a 9 hour shift and I was by myself for the majority of the time. It was definitely not a great day and I literally spent the rest of the day sleeping. Now today, I've been doing homework and job searching to catch up. Thankfully, though, I don't work this week so I'll have a bit of a break.

Tomorrow is the premiere of Heroes season 3! I am very excited about watching it and finally starting the whole drama again. That show is so amazing! I am going to watch it with Dinah and I think Paul at David's place, since they don't get Fox. At least I think it comes on Fox...

Studying Japanese has become more and more fun. It is really neat to find out all the little grammatical rules while learning basic things like "where do you live?" One thing that will be hard to get used to, though, besides reading and writing, is the placement of the words. Such as, "Uchi-wa doko desu ka?" means "Where is your home?". However, if you translate it literally, it means "House where is?" For me, that is a bit weird because Spanish follows the same placement of words (for the most part).

UAP is starting to kick my ass! It is a lot to keep up with. Overall, this semester has been a ton of stuff to deal with when it should have been easier. I don't understand it, but all I can do is keep on going. Perhaps waking up earlier in the morning will help me get more time...

mou sugu jikan desu

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:58:16 GMT

... I am definitely out of my dry spell and back into happiness. Turns out, I won the elections for Vice President, so I have that to look forward to. Also, everything else is going fairly well. Let me go into detail.

Schoolwork: okay, so this has been wishy-washy for me lately only because I don't feel that I have a strong grasp of what exactly is going on. However, if I break everything down into classes and analyze them entirely by themselves, it is much different (how Econ major of me). Let's take a look! ECON 4084- I understand everything and the homeworks are going nicely. ENGL 3704- nothing to worry about. UAP- caught up and understand what's going on. JPN- I understand everything as long as I study. Finally, ECON 4044- the only class that I'm somewhat worried about.

I have probably said this before, but this class is very odd. The professor admits that he is making things off the top of his head during class, so there is hardly any structure, no book, and the material is very abstract. No graphs, no numbers, only discussion. We have a test on Wednesday, and I am not entirely sure as to how that will pan out. Hopefully, it won't be too tough and I can get by with what little notes I have.

The Inn is going the same as it always does. I am working a lot, but then again, it isn't really a lot. I say a lot because I get tired of it. If I were to take a step back and look at it, though, I would see that I only work about 2-3 days each week for a total of about 15-20 hours. During the times I work, I would be doing nothing anyway. Why not work? I could save up for other delicious things.

Such as a PSP! After thinking about it, I decided that I am going to buy one when the new model comes out. There are many reasons to get one for me, such as a media player, games, surfing the internet, and more. The games I want are half and half- they are either out or will be within the next year or two. The vast majority of the games I want on the PSP begin with "Final Fantasy," so that is a huge reason. I'm also becoming more and more psyched about the whole Fabula Nova Crystallis thing, especially if I could play the PSP version. And of course, Dissidia has won me over.

But also, the media section is a large player. I don't have an iPod, my old MP3 player is useless thanks to Vista, and I would like to listen to music. I could get an 8GB memory stick for the PSP and have loads of music, as well as movies and photos. I think it is a wonderful idea!

Jason has started packing. We will be searching for a new apartment for him in his area, because the one he has now is absolutely dreadful. It is very exciting, considering we both hate his current living arrangements. I also can't wait to go up there for the 26-28. I took off work and will enjoy every minute of the weekend. Sadly, I'll still have to do some homework if possible, but the other parts will be relaxing with the one I love most.

I baked my first cake ever last night! It was so much fun. Actually, I might go have a piece...

part of my entity, if for infinity

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 02:23:00 GMT

... Okay, so I was expecting this.

To go along with my whole "everything is a cycle" belief, I know that when things are great, it doesn't last for long. Well, my amazing things in my life were running on high for a very long time, and yesterday was the breaking point. It somewhat kicked me back into the place I should be; realistic and thoughtful instead of carefree. This is basically what happened:

Well, I have been having problems with my creative writing class. I really don't like some of the people in there, and it is all the creative writing majors. They are all so opinionated and pretentious that it is sickening. I get that this is their field, but they seem to lack the natural filters when it comes to the other people in the class, like me, who are still new to it and want to enjoy it. I don't know if it is intentional or not, but either way it is very hurtful.

I wrote a very risky story. The details aren't important other than it is extreme for what I normally write. I thought that since I am in class and have other people look at it, I could write something different and really get a feel for other themes. Well, I wrote about rape. With this, I understood some people may not like it. Overall, actually, a lot of people somewhat liked it for the twists and pure insanity of it. However, one creative writing major decided to call my work "...disgusting, and not in the good way" and continued to bash me and drag me down.

Of course this is a workshop class, however, I really think he overstepped his bounds. What the hell? That was not needed. I felt very hurt and angry, putting myself in a bad mood.

On top of that, the LGBTA War has been heating up rapidly. It is beginning to be at a point where I am very, very close to resigning, but I want to help Paul out as much as possible. I also would like to be VP and fix relations between everyone and overall put a bandaid on the organization. However, this particular day was very distressing as it was and Paul talking about it made my mood even more foul. At this point, I was testy and short. Then, Jason proceeded to talk to me about moving, working, quitting his job, all kinds of crazy things. I felt very, very, very, very, very uncomfortable with his ideas of quitting and coming back to Blacksburg to work retail, while I am still trying to find a career.

It was all piling up on top of me and I just couldn't handle it. Mid conversation with Jason, I hung up, turned my phone off, went to my room in a dizzy frenzy, and cried myself to sleep. Things were not going well at all. All the pressure of everything going bad all at the same time mixed with me being used to everything going extremely well didn't settle nicely and I broke.

By the end of the night, though, I was better and figured it all out. Jason is staying in Bridgewater, I will most likely resign from the LGBTA after everything is settled, I talked to my professor about the rude criticism, and ignored the problem of looking for a job. All in all, I feel better about everything, it was just too much!

Today I had a job fair, and that went well! I handed out all my resumes I had with me and I even scored an interview for tomorrow. I'm not sure what will happen from all these companies, especially since the majority of the people who loved me wanted me to move out of Virginia, so we'll see. I would love to stay in Virginia and I also would like to find something near Jason so he can keep his job. I don't know, I just have to leave my options open just in case. I can't stand to fall into something that is only mediocre and end up miserable, both me and Jason.

So, things are starting to be built back into the normal pattern of happiness. I received my electronic pay stub for work, and that definitely put me in a good mood. I love earning more than I thought I would! :-)

Alas, back to the grind...

愛しています

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:57:42 GMT

...Wow, it has been only two weeks since my last update and I already have a ton of stuff to discuss with you!

First and foremost, classes began August 25th. My schedule is pretty nice, seeing as I don't have anything each day until noon, except when I work. Fridays, there is only one class. Each class has a different feel and are somewhat interesting.

Public Economics is a strange class. There is no required text and the teacher usually babbles about random nonsense or graphs he doesn't quite remember. He often points that last part out. Anyway, my friend, Jenny, and I are going to try our best and help each other since the professor is a bit of a mess. Urbanization and Development is a cool class! It is a lot of work and on material I don't quite find fascinating, but the teacher is what makes the class outstanding. This woman is so skilled and worldly that I love her to death. She is amazing!

Japanese is just as I imagined it: utterly magnificent. I love learning new languages, so I already knew I would have a blast. Not only that, but learning to write and read the language is completely different from Spanish, which uses normal Roman letters. It is fun to have to learn something so different from what I know. Yes, it is quite a bit of work, but I think it will definitely be worth it. How many people can speak three languages, after all? Industry Structure is somewhat fun, seeing as it is like an easy version of Micro-Theory. The teacher is super nice and explains things fairly well. The book is pretty neat. Lastly, Creative Writing: Fiction, I am still trying to decide. I don't like a lot of the people in the class and the teacher I am still contemplating. We'll have to see, but so far it isn't that bad.

Last weekend was Dragon*Con! I had so much fun, as always. Lots of costumes and fun things to buy. I actually dressed up this year as Howl Pendragon from Howl's Moving Castle. The cool part was that a lot of people knew who I was! That part was very exciting, seeing as everyone knows Jason's costume. Anyway, the weekend was a success and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

At work, I received a promotion! I am now a Banquet Captain, which is the same as staff but I get to delegate work and have more pay. I work more this semester as well, but that is fine, because my paychecks are larger and most of the time I work, I wouldn't be doing much anyway. It is good to have some money in my pocket, in case I would like to buy something. I am already compiling a list of things I would like to save up for, and the majority are rather expensive.

LGBTA has been getting a bit out of control. This whole Paul v. Ali thing is driving me nuts because it completely throws off the vibe of everything (for me, because I feel awkward) and I hate choosing sides. Especially when I want to agree with someone other than Paul, my best friend. I've been thinking about perhaps resigning from my position and leaving it to someone else, since I've basically redid what I wanted (the website). I would have a lot more free time...

And with that free time, I am going to start tutoring Spanish! I am also going to take a sewing class later this semester! I am so incredibly excited to finally start learning to sew. It would be a very nice experience and an amazing skill to have in my pocket.

Everything, generally, has been going well. Lately, I have been stressing out because of Jason being here all the time and with LGBTA and classes, but I think it will die down. Seeing Jason was absolutely fantastic, since I never see him. I love him so much, but he is right, he throws me off my schedule. LGBTA has had me (or should I say Paul has had me) working all the time, so that has been making me busy. Then classes, so everything has been piling up and I hope to sort out most of it this weekend.

Next week is my first career fair! I am super nervous and excited- hopefully someone will like me and want to have an interview or even hire me! We'll have to see. Until then, I'm going to bed to wake up and go to work at 6am...

under pressure

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:04:28 GMT

... My birthday!

Turning 20 feels exactly the same as turning 19- the only difference is that you should feel older, or at least I would assume. I am no longer a teenager and somehow that is a miraculous thing.

I am about to go to Fred's place where he is having a coal mine party. That should be interesting- I just really want to have fun and cut loose a little. I am always straight-laced when it comes to partying and it is the Saturday before classes, let alone my birthday, so I have to get at least a little crazy. However, that does not equal puking. I know my limits and I plan to live by them.

At work, I received a promotion! I am now a banquet captain, so I do the exact same but for more money. Really, I also "supervise" who else is working, that way they keep doing what they are supposed to and everyone is happy. An easy job, but something has to pay the bills.

Speaking of which! I must compile a list of things I would like to save up for after Dragoncon. One is a new phone- I am in love with the Voyager and must have something like it. I figure that I could possibly get some money and buy a new one, since I have to get a new plan this coming year (adding on to Jason's). Another thing is seating for my table. Also, it would be nice to start saving up for when I graduate and have to buy a few things, like a car, a house with Jason, etc.

Things have been going pretty well. Classes start in two days...

5 things I hate about you

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:43:06 GMT

...Some people just make me plain angry. Sara is one of them.

Let me explain. She is my new roommate, but we have known each other for many, many years (she says second grade, but it wasn't until 4th grade that I actually met and got to know her, but that's besides the point). We were on and off good friends in high school because we would go through periodical times of hatred for each other.

That should have been a blinking sign in my face, shouting at me about how terrible we would be as roommates.

However, I continued on, in hopes of being wrong. Plus, I had no one else and my mother was threatening to not send me to Mexico at the time (it was a combination of things, not just reluctance to live with Sara). I agreed to have her added to the contract and now I'm living with her. A few things to note when I express my dislike of her being in my personal space:

1) Lack of consistency - She continuously denotes my ability to keep a bathroom clean, yet doesn't lift a finger to dust or vacuum, all of which I did at various, but usual, times the past year. I came home from Mexico to her babbling of a dirty tub when I spent a few hours while she was gone the next day doing a deep cleaning, and rearranging, of everything, including her shit that is still laying around in the living room.

2) Lack of consideration - She had a party here. No big deal- I am just not used to it. Dane and I never had a true "party" here (party being loud music, lots of drunk messes, etc), so I was scared. I reassured myself, though, that she would clean up. However, what I didn't receive by the end of the night was a clean quilt and my own privacy. Not only did she spill beer all over my favorite quilt (why was she in my room? oh, trying to be the center of attention with MY friend), but she and her friends continuously used my bathroom since someone occupied the other one, puking.

Now, I definitely have a heart and don't mind it, but to have her just lay there in the bathroom feeling miserable doesn't do much good. How about miserably sitting on the couch whilst drinking a glass of water? Maybe some fresh air from the smoke-filled atmosphere (thank you, Sara's friends). Sara should have taken control of the situation, like she insists that she does given any situation.

3) Laziness - This can be expressed with cleaning, but I decided to make that separate since that is somewhat of a huge thing with me. Instead, I'll dwell on a major issue that ties into many other things: her inability to get things done quickly, as they should be. Cleaned my quilt yet? No. Paid me back rent money? Not quite there. Talked to Comcast about whatever she wants to do?

Actually, this part is funny.

Okay, so I told her that I do not watch TV so I wanted to get rid of it. Somehow, she took that as she should find a smaller deal at Comcast for TV so I wouldn't have to pay as much and she can still watch TV. The fun part is that I meant I am not paying the bill anymore, since I don't use it. What makes it even MORE fun, is that she hasn't gone to Comcast to talk to them yet. Not only did she say she was going to do it around August 6th, but she knew our Comcast bill would go up August 8th. Wouldn't you think changing the plan would be smart?

So, in the beginning of September, I will most likely be confronted with an extra bill that I am not paying, especially since she failed to communicate with the provider for cheaper service. Hurts me? Hardly. All I'll have to deal with in that case is her constant bitching at me, but I don't care. Not my problem!

4) General demeanor - Do you know a person that belittles you when they talk? How about they treat you like you know nothing. Or perhaps, you correct them, yet they miraculously knew the right answer all along, but both that and the wrong answer are true. Or how about the person that always plays victim? It's annoying, Sara. Cut the shit.

5) Absence of motivation - I feel like I might be psychologically analyzing her faults, however, it is what I notice the most, so bear with me. Anyway, she always has this "fuck it" kind of attitude. Something that doesn't go right MUST be wrong, but she feels the need to not worry herself with it. For instance: her inability to do decent classwork. I don't know about her previous year, but her first year was somewhat terrible. Why? She didn't take studying seriously and instead wasted time on other things, like knitting and watching movies, yet somehow, taking the math class for a third time, it is just too difficult.

I am no genius. Don't take this as bragging by any means. However, I took a harder level math class than her in high school and passed (with heavy studying). Before that class, we were in the same level class. She did fine (for her lack of studying) but she just doesn't want to put forth effort. She knows everything already, but when she is wrong, it is not her problem.

How about instead of sitting there bitching about how boring the class is and how you don't need to study, yet you nearly fail the class, you actually pay attention. You might, gasp, learn something. Now, trickle that thought into your personal living, and we'd start to get somewhere...

charmed, I'm sure

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:11:44 GMT

... Things have been going.

I'm working what seems like a lot but it really isn't. Everyday I am at the Inn, but it is only for about 3 or so hours at a time, so in the end, I only have about 12 hours a week. Blah! I would like to work a lot more, but I always have something going on during the weekends. That is where the long shifts are. Once school starts and I stop going places, I'll be able to settle down and work more. My schedule opens up quite a bit (about 3x more) so I should definitely be getting more hours.

Money, money, money! I found out that the room at DragonCon is going to cost a ba-jillion dollars so I'm going to have to pull out of savings to comfortably afford it. That doesn't bother me too much, considering that I'll work more and eventually put it back. I swear to god! August has been a crazy month. I've been everywhere, spending lots of cash, and just doing everything. It'll calm down, though. :-)

Jason got me the CUTEST gift for my birthday! He bought a poster and framed it- it is a painting of a lake with flowers and such, and there is a pier with old-fashion Pooh and Piglet fishing. :-) I made him hang it above my bed and it fits perfectly.

I'm trying to become a banquet captain at work. I don't really know how that is going to work out since Joe hates me. Or at least I think he does, because he NEVER says anything to me- not even hello. Oh well, I'm not too worried if I don't get the promotion. I'll continue doing what I do and... whatever.

My hair is getting long! I'm excited. I want it to get long and I can style it- for some reason I am in love with the hairstyle of a character from a video game, Larsa Solidor. He's this kid in Final Fantasy XII and he's a pretty cool guy. And his hair is awesome! We'll see how it goes. I also dyed my hair darker and a lot redder. Mixed reactions are flying at me; either people love it or hate it. Either way, I don't care because I like it so PISS OFF! haha

Well, not much is going on other than work and video games. Stargate SG1 is fun...

dunno?

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 03:10:41 GMT

... A bit of creativity.

The line of people stretched as far as Glen could see. Everyone was so different, so strange, and so determined. They each had the look of fear and hope sloppily painted on their faces, matching their restlessness and anxiety of reaching the beginning of the line. Glen continued past all of them, not exactly knowing why he wasn’t waiting in line. The waiting people looked at him disgusted and amused, as if he was something absolutely grotesque and comical at the same time.

Glen looked down at Dominick, who was also noticing the angry bystanders.

“Don’t mind them,” he assured. “we are here for different reasons from them. They are waiting in line for assistance when we need something a bit more drastic.”

“And what’s that, Dominick?”

The stitchling sighed. “I’m not sure.”

The two continued forward, passing many shapes and sizes of living creatures. After a few more minutes of walking along the enormous line, Glen saw what they were looking for. On top of the dirt ground was a large pile of plastic and metal pieces. They weren’t necessarily blocks nor were they trash, yet different shapes and sizes of purple, yellow, and orange pieces. Perhaps they formed something whole, such as a building or a statue, but Glen was not too worried about what they could possibly create. He focused on the large, wooden chair that sat on top of the pile of colorful rubbish and the person sitting in it.

He sat with his legs crossed and one hand supporting his head, looking as though he was tired or sad. His shirt was perfectly white and his skirt was plaid with greens and blues. What was not covered by this was dressed in his large, black boots that did not have a speck of dirt upon them. He had red fur covering his entire body with large white ears perked on the top of his head. His bushy tail swayed in the wind next to the chair as he did not move a muscle. Glen’s memories were telling him that this person was a fox, but we remember how his memories have been strange.

The people who were at the beginning of the line were shouting at each other and at the person while he simply sat without saying a word. Glen and Dominick reached the foot of the pile and looked at the people, who began to shout at them as well for cutting in front of all the others. Glen wanted to run and hide. The people seemed so angry and hateful that he could not bear to stand there anymore. Dominick did no more than stare at the man with red fur.

Suddenly, the man raised his hand to silence the yelling crowd, and they certainly stopped making noises. He lifted his head and looked around before finally setting his eyes on Glen and Dominick. His black eyes shined with longing and sadness.

“Are you the one they call Mr. Mediocre?” asked Dominick.

“I’ve been expecting you two.” His voice was suave and beautiful. If he was to sing a song, everyone would fall in love with him. “I see that times around here have finally caught up with me.”

“Please, tell us why we are here.”

“You are here,” he stood up and dusted off his skirt. “because I willed you here.”

I love letha

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 03:24:48 GMT

...Things haven't changed too terribly from when I last posted. The major thing that changed is that I am actually in a good mood! ^_^

About the whole "career" thing... yeah, I'm not going to worry about it until a career fair. I feel that those will be much more useful than looking around on the internet for something I don't know. I was becoming so frustrated that I couldn't find something, but I don't know what I'm looking for. It is like searching the ocean for something that is green. There are a lot of green things, but none of them are what I need, which is unknown. Also, I'll be calling Lauren C, and she is going to talk to me and hopefully point me in the right direction. Yay!

Money: fuck it! I am working, so that's all I can do. As far as rent and stuff goes, it is going to be tight, but I am not longer going to pay for tv. I still have to tell Sara this, though. I believe I told her that I did not watch tv anymore and she replied with "I'll look tomorrow for smaller packages."

Well.

I don't know if that means packages that she'll pay for, or packages she'll still expect me to pay half for. Either way, I am paying nothing for something I don't use. I see no use! I don't watch tv, and even if I did, I should stop because there are a MILLION other things I should be doing. This semester will be less busy academically, but with LGBTA and job searching, I won't have time to watch season 8 of America's Next Top Model for the fifth time.

This weekend, Jason comes to town! I am very excited to see him and have him see my new room. It will be fantastic to have more space for the both of us here, as well as more room in the closet. He likes to keep some clothes here so he doesn't have to pack all the time, so having a walk-in closet is much more easier on the both of us. Next weekend, we are going to Bridgewater for 4-H grilling, and that will be fun. The NEXT weekend, it'll be my birthday! I'll finally leave the teenage years!

I am becoming excited about classes. I looked at the Japanese textbook I'll be using, and it is CUTE AS HELL. All the little characters look like people straight from an anime show! Also, I found one of my Economics textbooks online for 30 bucks, when in the store it is 80. Deal!

Well, thank god I climbed out of my slump-hole I was in. This summer was too amazing to end on a semi-bad note. Continue strong! Keep on trucking! Dance with the music of life, no matter what tempo...

and he loses her like always

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 22:22:42 GMT

... Yikes, money is hitting me hard all of a sudden. I thought I had a fair amount, but that doesn't include rent, renewing driver's license, groceries, other things for around the apartment, DragonCon... I'm going to be back where I was the end of last semester, and that wasn't a pretty picture. Hopefully I can work a lot and get more money. I am working tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

I don't think I'm going to get the MPS position. Just the way MG talked about everything made me feel like I wasn't likely to even get an interview. It isn't in her hands anymore, so we'll see. If I don't get it, whatever, I'll just work at the Inn more, which is fine, just a bit boring. I also hate having a uniform, but whatever.

Hokies 4 Hire is cool, because you can put your resume online for people to see, as well as your skills and all this other information. Best part, it is free (for me, at least), so I filled it all out and within the next few weeks, more and more employers will be adding information and looking, so hopefully I'll intersect with someone while I'm looking as well. I want a good job...

The LGBTA website was entirely revamped. Paul was quite demanding in what he wanted in certain areas and at times I was very irritated and annoyed with the whole process. But now the majority (95%) is finished so I don't have to worry as much. Equally nice, if not better, is that I don't have to spend 40 hours in the office next week. I could have been working! But whatever.

So this entry is full of "we'll see" and "whatever." I think I'm just a little discouraged with money, but hopefully a lot of people don't want to work next week, so I can grab some hours. That would make me feel so much better, especially if I could get 20+ hours. 30 would be fantastic.

Well, that's about it. I could talk about other things I'm doing, like amazing books (love you, Diana) and videogames, but I'm feeling a little sad at the moment, due to being exhausted by Paul and my money slipping away. I'll update again when I'm happier...

back in black

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:25:21 GMT

...Blessed be the day that I returned to the United States of America!

I had a great time in Mexico, but I definitely think it was about time to go back home. By the last couple days, I was borderline miserable because of my anxiety and excitement of going home. When I finally did get to the airport in Dulles (around 1:30am) I was met by Jason. It was so nice! Of course, we didn't have directions to the airport, so we didn't get there until around 4am (it was six miles away from the airport) but the weekend was fun. I saw Dark Knight! AMAZING.

Richmond was fun, too, seeing everyone and catching up on everything. My parents also bought me this beautiful cork board for my room and the next book in one of my favorite series. Now, I'm in Bridgewater with Jason, loving on him and having fun. We'll be watching movies tonight (most likely Stargate and/or Wall-E... I bought the pirata version in Mexico).

I'll be in Blacksburg on Sunday afternoon. Then, I'll be able to fix up my room, have my interview with Mary-Grace for my new job, and finally settle down. I've been on the go for a few months and I'm sick of it! I want to just unpack and not think about unpacking for a while (oh, DragonCon, you are messing things up in September!).

Speaking of which! Dragoncon is going to be lots of fun. I'm almost finished with my Howl Jenkin's costume- I just need a wig and make my coat (need to find white blazer). I was also thinking about buying a little Calcifer to make it more noticeable of whom I am trying to imitate. Yay!

Well, I'm going to continue with the movie watching with Jason and his ridiculous media center... this kid thinks of the craziest, awesomest things. I love him! ...

its up to you

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:34:44 GMT

...The other night, I had another Ryan dream. Any dream with Ryan has always been bizarre, so this one is no exception. Also, they all involve death, and this one just kinda takes it to a new level. After I woke up, I felt very surreal, which happens after those kind of dreams. I just wish I knew why I keep having dreams about Ryan... maybe it is because I miss him so much. That wouldn't really vindicate all the death themes, though... Anyway, here it is.

Everything is normal. I'm living in some random place that isn't home, but then again, every dream has a different home. Ryan is spending a lot of time with me, as always. One day, Ryan dies. I am not entirely sure on how he dies, but he does. I am devastated and go out looking for him. Strangely enough, I find him and ask him why he is still alive. He tells me that he went to the Underworld and the devil gave him a chance to come back to life. All he had to do was complete a mission before it came time for his judgement, and he did it.

After my meeting with Ryan, things go back to normal. The next day, however, I die. I am not sure how it happens. I appear in the Underworld and talk to the same person that Ryan had talked to. He tells me the same thing: that I must complete a mission before the time runs out. Around this point, everything goes fuzzy, but I remember walking on walls and seeing images of life on Earth. At this point, my mission is complete.

However, when I go back to Earth, I am not in 2008. Instead, I am in 1995. I go looking for my parents, and find them oddly enough. My mom looks much different and doesn't know who I am. I don't remember seeing my dad. Then I wake up.

Blah...

I want to take you away

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:07:07 GMT

...Woo!

So I've been in a really good mood lately. Why? Dunno. I think it is because I'm practically settled finally and I have various news.

I beat The World Ends With You! Such a good video game. The plot was fresh and innovative, and the gameplay was equally addicting. If anyone that reads this owns a DS and is looking for a good game, you have to pick up that game. Have. Not should.

Secondly, my small battle with Tech on whether I'm taking Japanese has finally ended. Who won? Me! I'm signed up for elementary Japanese in the fall, which will also continue into the spring. I'm excited to start my third language! Of course, I've dipped my hat into other languages on my own time, but for me, actually taking a class works so much better because I'm forced to learn. While I always want to learn, pushing me just gets things done more quickly. I'll take these classes and then once I'm done with them, I'll continue on my own time with vocab and practicing and listening to anime in Japanese. :-D Then eventually, honeymoon with Jason in Japan...

Side note: when just typing "excited," I subconsciously put an "s" on the front of the word... sexcited...

I also finished my 8th book by the lovely Diana Wynne Jones. While it wasn't as good as it's prequel, it was still enjoyable. I started ANOTHER DWJ book (can you tell I'm in love?) and it seems promising. It is one of her more notable pieces, Fire and Hemlock. We'll see how that goes. Not sure if it will top Dogsbody or Deep Secret, though...

My roommate and I were walking around last night and found a strip club! We also found a WalMart, McDonalds, KFC, and other things. Oh, American shiz! I need to go to WalMart this weekend and buy a new video game. Hopefully they have what I want...

So I'm incredibly sexcited about turning 20 in less than two months! I'm starting to have dreams about being 20- just the fact of talking to someone and they ask my age, to which I reply 20. Then I wake up and realize I'm still 19 (abysmal). I'm also having more and more Phoenix dreams. Not that I'm complaining! I love having telekinesis and being able to fly. Definitely better than the real world.

Well, that's about it for now. I love Jason. Can't wait to finish up these next 3 weeks...

el ahogado mas hermoso del mundo

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:52:18 GMT

...Ahhh Mexico!!!

So things are going well here. As Bixler said, we might hate it the first week and then come to like it afterwards. That holds true with me, because I was somewhat depressed the first week. This place is VERY different from where I am from in many ways... not only being foreign, but being a city. Everything is so loud and fast and dirty! Alas, it is fun.

Classes are going... so-so. My literature class is a lot of work but we are reading some really great stuff. The other day, we read a BEAUTIFUL piece called "El jardín de senderos que se bifurcan" by Jorge Luis Borges. It was really good. Now we are reading stuff by Gabriel García Márquez, who I've read before, but anything of his is amazing.

My grammar class, however, is all jumbled up. The teacher is somewhat unorganized and random, and the material is poorly explained. Okay, I know the subjunctive is somewhat confusing at times, but to sit here and tell us it is one way, then 30 minutes later say it is another way... ah. I am starting to get the hang of it, though. I don't mind, either way, because it is still cool to say I took the hardest grammar class available at a Mexican university. :-)

Everything else is fun. Trips are a blast, albeit tiring. The other VT students here are so-so as well... I really only get along well enough to be friends with my roommate and one or two other people. It doesn't bother me, though, because the others like to drink every night and spend all their money on wasteful things. I'm here to learn and experience, not get drunk every night.

Ahhhh and the food is great. For example... we had quesadillas for breakfast. Yeah, they do that in Mexico. It is SO AWESOME. If you love Mexican food, you'd love eating in Mexico. You have all kinds of things all the time. Almost everything is ultra spicy. Then, once in a while, there is that weird "traditional" dish that makes me kinda sick, but whatever. The restaurants are okay, too. I have a few favorites. :-)

Most of all, though, is the fact that I miss Jason terrrrribly. I can't stand being so far away from him! I think about him all the time. I'm constantly checking my mailbox to see if he has responded to an email I sent him or I count down the minutes until I can call him (only once a week). Ugh, it is hard, but it'll be so nice to see him again. He's picking me up from the airport, then we are spending that weekend in DC. I couldn't think of a single person I would want to pick me up instead of him. I LOVE HIM!!!!

Now, time to wrap up some homework and then go to lunch...

sound and fury

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:06:34 GMT

Why am I so stupid? Why do I get emotional when I shouldn't? Why am I so messed up?

I'm sorry. I love you. I don't mean to be crazy.

I <3 Mexico

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:07:48 GMT

Yes I do.

life is a game, love is a trophy

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:20:03 GMT

...Ah! This Friday, I will be leaving early in the morning for Mexico! I'm super excited! It will be so much fun and interesting and amazing. I've never been away from the United States for this long (6 weeks), especially in an area with English not being the primary language (I consider Dayton to be primarily Spanish... haha). I'm nervous, at the same time, because I hope I make some good friends and enjoy myself.

Hopefully, I won't spend too much. I'm guessing it'll be like living over there, basically, with once in a while eating out or buying a gift. I won't go stark-crazy and spend every penny... and I won't be drinking every night, so maybe I'll retain some money to spend once I get back to the United States for things I NEED up in college (more stain for the bookcases... ugh).

I am currently having a crisis, though. :-( I don't know what I want to do after I graduate college! I was looking at a job search online, entering keywords "economics" and "Spanish" and all that came up was boring garbage that isn't very interesting at all. One was remotely interesting with good pay, but by the time I graduate, it'll be gone. I'm so worried I won't get a job.

And then there was the random idea of going to law school. Why? I don't really know- something that sounds interesting. I've always fancied becoming a judge at some point, and I've always marvelled at having a job where you have to study really hard and long for it. I guess I should have picked a major with more of a sturdy outline of what I am to become, like engineering or education, because economics has NO outline whatsoever. None. Major in economics? Sure! You can get a job as a million different things that have no relation at all. Maybe.

Law school would be nice, then I could become a lawyer. However, law school is adding more years to education, which I've already decided a while back that I was tired of. Also, after researching, law school costs quite a pretty penny. Most graduates are around 100,000 dollars in debt. That's a lot. I have no idea what my debt is for VA Tech (I think my dad said somewhere around 30,000), but that number just scares me. Plus, even if I did go and graduate, that throws off plans of settling down with Jason and us getting jobs and saving up and adopting kids, etc...

I think what will happen, now that I think about it, is that I'll end up with a really boring job. I'll keep at it for a while, and after a few years, perhaps after acquiring a kid, I'll go back to school when I'm older and pursue a law degree. I think it would be fantastic to become a lawyer, and eventually, a judge. Lots of money... and plus, it is just interesting.

I don't know. I really need to set up an appointment with my advisor and career services and have them point me in the right direction. That won't happen until 2 months, however, when the fall semester starts (actually 2 and a half months). I have classes next week... boo. It sucks to think that I'm going to a different country in two days, but I still have to take classes at the university there. Oh well.

Missing Jason hurts so bad. With all of this job stuff and going to Mexico and everything on my mind, I think about him constantly and how everything will affect him. I want the best for me AND him. I think that after I talk with my advisors, I should talk to him, as well. I want him to be comfortable, because I love him dearly and I want us to be happy forever. :-) ...

memories keep

vtvuillerj@vt.edu — Wed, 28 May 2008 03:22:47 GMT

...Some weird things have been happening lately.

A few days ago, I had a bad migraine. Now, I usually get those, but hadn't had one in a while. So, it isn't too strange. I blamed dehydration and allergies. The next day (Sunday), I hallucinated a lot. Not a lot, but a LOT. I kept seeing cats jumping from out of no where, people walking by me, and all kinds of crazy shit. I was alone in the house, though. Not only in the house, but driving to pick up my parents from the airport, I thought I saw a dog walk along the road, but once again, it wasn't real.

Then today. I was standing in my bathroom and the next thing I knew, I was on laying on the floor with a sore head. Apparently, I passed out and hit my head on the wall from where I was falling. I have never fainted in my life. I don't know if all of these things are connected or not- I'm drinking plenty of water, my diet has not changed that much since coming home, I don't have major allergy problems, and I'm getting enough sleep.

Now, I'm not going to tell my mom. Why? Because next Friday (not this Friday), I leave for Mexico for about 6 weeks. To tell her that all these weird things have been happening lately would FREAK her out and she would probably not let me go. So, I'm going to be careful and drink a lot of water, take vitamins, sleep, and all that jazz.

Hopefully this isn't too serious...